


thought you'll be mine

by soloeyists



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Sad Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-23 14:13:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30056694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soloeyists/pseuds/soloeyists
Summary: To Sehun, Baekhyun is like a raging thunderstorm striking a lone town in the middle of a quiet night.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Oh Sehun
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11
Collections: Round 1 - Inside Out





	thought you'll be mine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [underthecitylights](https://archiveofourown.org/users/underthecitylights/gifts).



> Written for the First Round of 500 Feelings: INSIDE OUT.

To Sehun, Baekhyun is like a raging thunderstorm striking a lone town in the middle of a quiet night. He comes without warning and leaves everything in his way wrecked and almost impossible to be mended.

 _Everything_ including Sehun.

When spring folds into winter, when the harsh, cold air no longer prickles Sehun’s skin, that’s when Baekhyun returns to Sehun’s life without warning — _for the nth time_ — because he has lost count of the number of times Baekhyun has done this.

But none of that matters.

What matters is that Baekhyun is here right at this moment, standing in front of him. His black hair is now replaced by the softest brown to match the color tone of his face. Even under the dim moonlight, his skin still glows beautifully. Sehun finds himself marvelling at the sight before him.

No luggage. Just Baekhyun and his puppy smile.

“Hi.” A soft voice greets Sehun’s ears.

How can he say no to Baekhyun when he’s giving Sehun _that_ look Sehun knows he wouldn’t be able to ignore? How can he say no when Baekhyun — unknowingly, or perhaps _knowingly_ — never fails to make Sehun’s heart yearn for him?

Sehun _knows_ what he’s getting himself into when he allows Baekhyun to walk into his apartment, lets the brunette throw himself in Sehun’s arms like they are meant to be — except _they are not_ — and claims Sehun’s lips, unexpectedly, as if none of this stirs a faded feeling in Sehun’s heart alive.

“I missed you,” Baekhyun whispers, grinning into the kiss before he pulls away, lips slightly fluttering when he licks them. His breath is heavy when he utters those words out.

Sehun brings a finger to his lips, almost immediately, and it causes Baekhyun to chuckle in amusement.

“Did you just—” The words get jumbled up in Sehun’s mind and he halts.

 _Did you just kiss me?_ Sehun wants to say that, but he doesn’t.

Baekhyun steps closer again, and for a moment, Sehun thinks Baekhyun is probably nervous about meeting him again because the loud hammering of Baekhyun’s heart in the chest is too noticeable to be ignored. Sehun doesn’t know why he deludes himself into thinking that Baekhyun is excited to meet him. That Baekhyun probably _means_ what he just said. That Baekhyun truly missed him.

But this is Baekhyun he is talking about. Reality pulls Sehun back and he returns Baekhyun’s grin with a bitter smile. There is no way the brunette means any of those words.

“Your phone’s been off for months. Where have you been?” Sehun finally asks, voice trembling a little.

As Sehun waits for the answer to come, he stares up and down Baekhyun’s lithe figure, noting the messy nest. Baekhyun’s hair falls to his eye, but he doesn’t seem bothered at all. Sehun instinctively pushes the brown lock aside, tucking it behind Baekhyun’s ear.

“Just… somewhere,” Baekhyun muses. “Somewhere far. You don’t need to know.” Then, he grins.

“Why are you here? Can’t I know about this too?”

Baekhyun tilts his head, his hair falling to the front again. This time, Sehun lets it veil the pitch black in his eyes.

“I’m here because I missed you.”

The dry chuckle that escapes from Sehun’s lips is enough to remind Sehun himself that he finds this ridiculous. Honestly, he doubts Baekhyun would ever miss him the way he _misses_ the brunette. If Baekhyun notices the way Sehun’s eyes slightly droop, he doesn’t comment on it. Instead, he takes Sehun’s hand in his and fiddles with his long fingers.

“Is your girlfriend home?” Baekhyun asks as he walks in. He lets Sehun’s hand go as he takes his shoes off, peering at the dark living room.

Sehun doesn’t answer right away. He takes his time to close the door with a soft thud before switching the lights on. But when Baekhyun clicks his tongue disapprovingly, Sehun immediately turns the lights off, looking at Baekhyun with a confused expression.

“Sorry, too bright,” Baekhyun says. “Where’s your girlfriend? Is she here?”

“We broke up.” Sehun’s voice is low, blending into the quietness enveloping the room before fading away completely.

 _We broke up right after you left,_ Sehun doesn’t say that.

It’s only the two of them now in Sehun’s apartment. There are a few fleeting moments when Sehun feels as if the walls surrounding them have actual eyes. Like they are being watched and judged silently. All these bizarre feelings lead Sehun into thinking that he should control the urge to do anything beyond the unthinkable. He should know his limit. But then, he still can’t brush away the excitement that slowly builds up in him. It feels surreal to see Baekhyun here after months of no news, no messages, no calls.

Sehun, as strange as this sounds, feels very much alive with Baekhyun by his side.

The brunette plays around with the hem of his shirt once he plops down on the leathered sofa. Sehun’s answer doesn’t seem to surprise him. He doesn’t get fazed at all.

“You okay?”

The question sounds careless, but it’s expected because it comes from Baekhyun. Yet, there is a hint of worry hidden somewhere in the way Baekhyun looks up at him in the dark. For a moment, Sehun almost falters. Baekhyun caring about him is funny. Sehun thinks it’s ridiculous how he _always_ lets himself be fooled by that concerned look.

But still, Sehun takes the bite. Like a fool he is.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Sehun says, managing a smile. “She’s just a phase after all.”

_Unlike you._

Baekhyun has never been Sehun’s boyfriend. Probably will never be. But the thing is, Baekhyun is a constant in Sehun’s life. He's not like other people Sehun has been with before. Baekhyun is like a stone in one of Sehun’s shoes that is hard to ignore. Sehun knows he should have gotten rid of the stone – of _Baekhyun_ – but strangely enough, he likes the pain that comes with it.

He instinctively draws his eyes towards Baekhyun’s hand, trying to spot anything glimmering around his slender finger. No ring. It only means Baekhyun has broken up with his boyfriend. He probably has no one new in his life yet.

A flicker of hope sparks within Sehun.

“So your girlfriend isn’t here,” Baekhyun says, cracking his lips into a wide grin. “I get to stay here for a while, right?”

Sehun smiles to himself. None of that matters anyway. Even if Sehun has anyone else in his life, he would still let Baekhyun stay at his place. He would still let Baekhyun come back to him whenever he desires.

That is how much Baekhyun means to him.

But Baekhyun doesn’t have to know that.

“You can sleep here. I’ll go take the pillows for the guest room.”

“Can I sleep with you?”

Sehun halts. The question renders him speechless, but he is quick to not let Baekhyun know how taken aback he is at the moment.

“I only have a single bed,” Sehun tries to reason. He looks at the brunette up and down.

Baekhyun stands up from his seat and walks closer. Once he is only a few inches away from Sehun, he offers a smile. “I don’t mind. Do you?”

Again, how can Sehun say no to him?

That night, when he feels Baekhyun snuggling close to him, he hopes the brunette doesn’t notice the way his heart thumps loudly in his chest like it’s begging to be let out of its ribcage. It’s embarrassing, really. And pathetic, too.

If only Baekhyun knows just how much Sehun wishes they could stay like this forever.

Baekhyun’s hair brushes a little against Sehun’s face, and Sehun lets himself drown in the sweet scent that slowly greets his nose.

“Jiwoo.” Baekhyun’s voice suddenly breaks the silence.

Sehun’s ears perk up at the sudden mention of that familiar name coming from Baekhyun’s mouth. Jiwoo? Again? His heart aches a little.

“What's with him?”

“He…” Baekhyun halts. Sehun wishes Baekhyun doesn't continue. But the brunette does, “I met him today. He found someone else.”

“That’s good for both of you, right? Didn’t you tell me that you’ve always wanted to break up with him?”

“I didn’t mean any of those. You don’t even know how much I love him.”

Sehun's eyes burn a little, but he is glad Baekhyun wouldn't notice the tears pooling in his eyes in the darkness.

“So now what are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know.”

“You can’t return to him.”

“Yeah.”

There is a silence for a moment.

“I don’t want you to hurt anymore, Baekhyun."

“I know.” Baekhyun's voice cracks a little. “But it’s hard.”

“Baekhyun—”

“He… looked so happy. He didn’t even notice me that day. Jiwoo and his new girlfriend looked so happy. Jiwoo didn't even notice I was there in the same café." Baekhyun lets out a chuckle. "I mean, I know he is too busy to care about anything else when he already has someone else in his life. That’s just how he is. When he loves, he loves deeply. That’s just how Jiwoo is. I knew because I was there by his side before. But I ruined everything. I ruined our relationship.”

Little by little, Baekhyun is breaking again into pieces. Sehun gathers him in his arms, hoping it would stop Baekhyun from crumbling even more. But he knows it's futile.

“Why do you have to hurt yourself like this? Is it because you want him back in your life?” Sehun’s voice is a little strained, like he is not supposed to be saying any of those words. His chest constricts a little, the pain slowly surging into him like waves crashing on the beach. The words somehow bring a crease to Baekhyun’s forehead, and he looks at Sehun in the darkness, eyes gleaming a little, almost in disbelief.

“I can’t have him back, Sehun. No matter how much I want _this_ to work again, I know I can’t. Not when he already has someone else in his life now. He…” Baekhyun pauses and brings his head down. Sehun waits. “Jiwoo deserves that person, and I don’t deserve him. I don’t wish to ruin his life anymore.”

“Then ruin mine instead.”

There is stillness in the air.

Baekhyun pales. His chuckle echoes in the small distance between their faces. But Sehun doesn't laugh along with him, and the light in Baekhyun’s eyes dims, almost instantly.

“You. Stop joking.”

“I’m not joking,” Sehun says, the low rumble of his voice causes Baekhyun's eyes to go wide. Sehun leans closer and takes Baekhyun’s hand, rubbing soft knuckles against calloused fingers. “Use me. Ruin me. Do anything you want. If by doing this can take him away from your mind, then do whatever you want with me.”

The silence is thick. Sehun is aware of how impossible it is to make Baekhyun fall for him. Maybe in the next lifetime, he will. But now, he just can’t stand seeing Baekhyun get swallowed by the grief any longer. Not when Sehun knows he should do something to take the sadness away.

"Sehun…"

"You don't have to answer me now. I know this is sudden. But what I feel for you is not," Sehun says., determined. "I've been yearning for you for as long as I can remember."

A part of him is relieved. It's time for Baekhyun to know what is truly hidden in his heart, Sehun thinks to himself.

Baekhyun's voice is low, swallowed by the quietness surrounding them. "I'll have to think first."

"I'll wait," Sehun says. “Will you still be here tomorrow?”

Sehun finds himself asking. The question, however, hangs in the air, unanswered. Cold. None of them speaks for the rest of the night.

When the first ray of sunshine hits Sehun’s face, he instantly flutters his eyes open. His face is warm but the space next to him is cold when his hand grabs around the sheet.

When he turns to his side, Baekhyun is not there.

**Author's Note:**

> this one is for Kaye :)


End file.
